Being stubborn can be a good thing. Being stubborn about an injury is NOT a good thing. My right hipflexor has been gradually causing me trouble since early January. I have not been able to squat heavy. Split jerking is also an issue, as my right leg is my back leg… I need to see someone for this otherwise, I will not be able to keep my OLY program up. This morning for the first time, I feel it, just walking around.
When I think of myself, and visualize myself, I tend to see myself a lot smaller than I really am. Seeing a picture of myself, or looking at myself in the mirror kinda brings me back to reality pretty quickly. I have lost weight, I know that. Inches are coming off, but my weight (the number) has barely changed in the last 6 months. To help remind myself that I have changed in the last 5 months… I put my Levis Jeans size 24 on the ground, then my 22s, aand then my 20’s which I wear now. And they fit.
Eating better, also not having as many cravings for junk food is helping quite a bit.
I had a good conversation with an old friend last weekend. HE said to me “Andie, you know when you start dating someone, you clean your house spotless, you take care of yourself, you are on your best behavior… for this person. But do you ever do this for just yourself? No… ” And I saw his point. I AM worth it. I am worth ALL these things, why not spend the time on myself? On my place? On my body? On my mind? Grow into who I know I CAN be? Yes… it makes sense… I am, in a way, dating myself ;-)
(too funny not to share!!! Enjoy a good laugh!!) With that being said, how many of those have YOU heard??? For me… #1, 2 (so often), 6 (girls as big as my left thigh said it to my face!), 7, 9, and 12.
1.You’re not fat!
I am fat. It’s just a descriptor. If I’m calling myself fat, I have accepted my awesome chub; please do the same.
2. You have such a pretty face.
I know. I also have a banging body—it just happens to be bigger than what you’re used to being told is attractive. Now, let me do a shimmy for you so you can understand my sexiness.
3. Oooh, let’s go to Bebe!!!
I cannot fit into anything at Bebe. You probably can’t fit into anything at Bebe. I don’t think Bebe herself can fit into anything at Bebe.
4. Do you really need that candy bar?
No, but I’m gonna eat it anyway. AND?? No one needs a candy bar, but they’re goddamn delicious, do you NEED a lesson in semantics? (See what I did there? Not impressed? OK, never mind.)
5. You’d look better if you were healthier.
You’re right. Let’s work on that. Do you have any openings in your private medical practice next week? Oh, you’re just a really health-conscious barista? That’s funny because my real doctor says I’ve had the best bloodwork she’s seen all year. Oh, it doesn’t take a doctor to see when someone isn’t healthy? Guess that medical degree must be worthless then. Hold on, let’s call her together and tell her. It’s always good to have support when hearing bad news. (Bonus: Even if I were unhealthy, it’s NYOB.) (And I would still look damn good, trust.)
6. Ugh, I’m so fat.
Don’t talk about being fat around a fat person when you are not fat. It’s obvious you’re using the term to address your body negatively and that sucks for two reasons: a. Don’t talk shit about your own body, the outside world does that enough; and b. If you think you’re fat and you’re roughly half my size, what do you think about me? That I’m Obesetron McFattenstein? Don’t answer that.
7. Have you ever tried INSERT EXERCISE HERE? Have you ever heard of exercise at all? Do you come from this planet?
Yes, I know how to walk—that’s where you lay on the couch and eat pizza and watch Scandal, right? I’m great at walking JK YES I KNOW WHAT EXERCISE IS. I practice yoga, I swim, I love Zumba, and yes, I do know what a gym is. (It’s that place you buy donuts, correct? JK GOT YOU AGAIN!)
8. Oooh, can I borrow that skirt sometime?
Uh, if you want to wear it as an oversized cape? Sure. And again: STOP PRETENDING WE ARE THE SAME SIZE. I’m starting to think you need glasses and/or some sort of prescription medication.
9. Have you lost weight??
No. No, I have not. And if I had, maybe it’s because I’m DEATHLY ILL—so don’t comment on other people’s weight. Just don’t.
10. You know, Atkins worked for my aunt.
That’s great but I’m not interested in being on a diet, and if I were, I would just do it. I don’t need your help, and if I did, I WOULD ASK. Make no mistake: the reason you can’t see my browser history is not because I’m looking at the dirtiest porn on the Internet, but because my bookmarked pages consist of every diet you’ve never even heard of. Atkins? Child’s play! Try the Melba toast diet or the cabbage soup diet! You’ll feel like a hydrogen blimp being propelled forward only by your own farts. Dieting sucks and it doesn’t work, and I’ve stopped that b.s. I just want to be happy and healthy, and one of the best ways for me to do that is to not stress so damn much about my weight. So please stop.
11. I am just trying to help.
Don’t. I’ll ask for help if I need it but when you just start offering advice, I don’t feel cared for. I feel humilated. Plus, I love me just the way I am, and hope you do, too.
12. You should be a plus-sized model!
All I needed to see to realize what was wrong with my clean, but which lead also to help with my snatch! Watched it last night, could not wait to get to the gym to try it this morning… It felt so good to do it right!
I feel good, good GOOD right now… (sometimes I wonder if I am not bipolar with all those ups and downs… )
Yup. Starting with BEING GOOD TO MYSELF. I wrote this little phrase on a bunch of little papers I will leave everywhere to see them ALL the time. In the car, in the house, in the mirror of the bathroom, etc. I need to remind myself that I need to spend as much time and effort on ME as I would have on a life partner.
First step was to go to the grocery store, stock up on veggies, and fruits, and other healthy important stuff. Did that. Now, onto meal prepping for the next few days, enjoying the process, and remembering that I AM IMPORTANT and WORTH IT.
Back at the gym tomorrow morning for mobility only. Had to take a week off my OLY program due to shoulder and lowerback issues. I just wish this would stop holding me back from growing better.
Looking for empowerment phrases… I found this one, thought it was simply perfect!
not that I know anything about the scientific aspect of Emotional Intelligence… It just means what it means. But… ever wonder if you are emotionally intelligent?
In my case, I don’t think so. I say this, because my emotions rule me. I am in a phase where I should be happy, and I should be good to myself. I know I NEED to be good to myself. But I somehow fall short all the time, and right now is no different than the previous times.
I am on my own, thing I have wanted for a long time. Why? Because I suck at relationships because of those emotions. I should be happy, and relieved to be on my own, eating good, working out, etc. I could not do a better job at being the exact opposite right now. I eat like shit, feel like it most of the time, I pretend things are alright, but really… I am just hurting.
I am sitting here, alone in my house, with just the buzz of the computer screen for noise. I used to like quietness. Right now, it drives me INSANE.
Gosh I am all over the place… I don’t know what I need anymore… be good to myself YES, but where do I start? How do I stop sabotaging myself all the time? Why can’t I just live in the moment, and be peaceful?
Sorry for the downer entry… I cannot help it. I try hard to be positive, to smile, but there’s this dark whole inside, that seems to want to swallow me whole once in a while… now is one of those times.
wearing the right size bra!!!!!!
I’ve been in denial all these years… and finally got one that fits me PERFECTLY… I know it sounds stupid, but to the many women reading this blog, YOU know how right I am!
Totally random post done!
Why must I be so impatient all the time, when it comes to being good at something?
I somehow cannot wrap my mind about how normal it is to gradually get better at something. It takes time. Sometimes it takes a long time.
When I was a kid, and played sports… whether in gymnastics, skiing, volleyball, or really ANY other sport… I was pretty quick at being good at it.
Needless to say, it’s not like this anymore. With Olympic Lifting right now, I am having moments where everything I do, feels wrong… I pay attention to my body, how it’s positioned, when it needs to do to get the bar above my head. I take my time. First pull, second pull, third pull. My problem, somewhere between second and third. I will continue to work at lightweights to correct it… and to help my shoulders heal from Saturday’s heavy single day.
Tonight before I left the gym, I was watching Tyler do his hang cleans… and it looked so easy and smooth. I want to be able to do that.
Just finished chatting with a friend and she said to me that she was just diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 1A & pre non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma… This girl also suffers from rhumatoid arthritis to top it off.
She came into my life at a time where I was looking for help, guidance, and someone to talk to. It was at a weight loss clinic (yes, I did this… ) and when I first saw her, I judged her. She was by far the most beautiful I had ever seen in person, and she was very tall and very slim… and thought to myself “What is this woman doing working at a weight loss clinic?” I don’t know still… but she also had had her battles to fight and shared some with me, showing me that we all have our problems. She is also one of the sweetest souls I know. She always has a smile on her face.
Several times we said we should meet up for coffee… and it never happened. I am horrible at the whole friend thing, and that’s probably why I have only a few real friends. I need to stop this, and just BE a friend. And I will for her, because she SOOOO deserves it… I am feeling good these days, and if I can help her go through chemo and radiation, I will.
Life’s a bitch.