Slacking off…

I spent the last 8 weeks working on my OLY with a coach… Big improvement that I am proud of…

The only thing is that, I am starting to wonder what I want out of my life… There’s work to pay the bills, there’s photography/my studio for my passion, there’s catalyst for my body and mental sanity, and honestly to prove to myself that I can still be active and strong and be proud of myself…

Seems to me like 24 hour days are not long enough for me…

I’m having a hard time gathering my wits and strength and motivation to put my house in order… I started this week with removing carpet and exposing the hardwood floor… But there is soooo much to do… I just get overwhelmed and give up.

Also my eating has been ridiculously awful. Another thing I need to get back on track.

Rant over. Now onto folding clothes…

OLY - Week 5

I am currently enrolled in a summer class called Summer Barbell at the Park.  The Park being our Crossfit Gym, Catalyst.  

There is NO doubt in my mind now that I am absolutely in love with Olympic Weightlifting.  As much as Gymnastics, Volleyball and Downhill Skiing (I used to race) were all competitive sports for me in which I did well…  Olympic Lifting is also MY sport.  

I am not a Crossfitter.  I am not afraid of admitting it.  Hell, I used to think I was, but looking back, I have always been a cherry picker when it comes to WODs, and I give up too easily.  I always found that my weight prevented me from doing what I knew I could… And, I got hurt so often doing little things, and it prevented me from going to the gym steady.  

I am far from a pro.  But I love how technical the sport of Olympic Weightlifting is.  

I love how it feels when I hit it just right, when the transfer of energy/weight on the bar is good and it just feels smooth.  Even as I am typing this, the thought makes me smile.  I love how I now know instantly when it’s wrong… because it feels so wrong when I don’t pull the right way, or if I don’t hit my power position… It just makes sense now.  

I am enjoying every second I spend in the gym doing my weekly homework, and going to my Thursday night class.  

Just watched it… beautiful documentary about the sport… 

Been a while…

June 17 is the last time I wrote in here… 

I signed up for the Summer Barbell Class at Catalyst this summer.  I figured that if I paid, and committed to one course, it would make me go to the gym.  

It worked.  Last Thursday June 26th was our first class.  It went well, and I enjoyed it.  We also get homework before our next class a week later.  

on Monday last week, did my first homework which involved 50 front squats at 50% of my max… and that was after I did other things.  Needless to say, I walked funny for several days, and I am not sure my legs have completely recovered yet! lol!

But I went to the gym 4 times, in 5 days.  I am proud of myself.  And yes, I ONLY do Olympic Weightlifting right now, and I love it.  I truly do.  I find it a humbling sport.  It’s slow progress… but worth it.  I need humbling… darn EGO!

This weekend, no workout.  I am recovering.  All week, all I wanted to do was sleep to help my body feel better, and my eyes were ready to close just about all the time when I was home.  It feels good to be back.  Some little nagging injuries are showing up again, but I am trying my best not to put too much emphasis on them… 

Fact is…

It’s been a long time since I posted here.  Yes.  I am like that… 

It’s also been a long time since I was at Catalyst.  Yes.  I’m like that… and I DO NOT LIKE IT!

Groin issues NOT resolved… I feel like I either need 2 Andies… or 36 hour days… One or the other would be fine.  

I am slightly terrified to go back.  I truly am… I did sign up for the weightlifting class, and I am really looking forward to it.  It will all be lightweight for me due to the injuries.  

I need to get my shit together soon… otherwise it’s not 1 step backwards I will be taking, but 50.  

WHAT’S UP FRASER!  GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!  Ah ah… it rhymes… must be a sign,… 

Back on the paleo band wagon… Finally! Enough bs… Let’s do this!!!!!

Tags: paleo health

Back on the paleo band wagon… Finally! Enough bs… Let’s do this!!!!!

Tags: paleo health

Back on track… kinda

So yes, good food choices for the last 5 days, almost (I would like to put some emphasis on the ALMOST here!) no junk food.  

Everyday is a struggle with food these days.  When I am at work, things are good.  I’m there, I’m busy, my mind is busy and I don’t think about food.  It’s once I leave work that things get tricky.  I drive home, past fast food joints, think “Oh what am I going to make for supper?” and then… my heart almost steers me in the direction of the fast food restaurants… but these days, I have been able to resist.  One meal at a time.  

I am also reading a book that I have had for years, but never dared read “Women Who Love Too Much”.  Yes.  Might sound tacky, but, reading this book is as fascinating as it is scary for me, as it seems everything in it was written ABOUT me!  Behaviours, memories, childhood experiences, teenage years, my relationship with men…  Holy crap… scary.  

I have a ball of anxiety in my chest since I started reading it.  It definitely struck a chord and will lead to much better things for me, I know.  But in the meantime, it’s my job to process the information contained in this book, and to make the most of it.  To turn one big aspect of my life around, for the better.  

14 Rules for Being YOU

(taken from

Be yourself.  Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.  And above all, be true to YOU – if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

Starting today…

  1. Get your priorities straight. – Twenty years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of jeans you bought.  What will matter is how you loved, what you learned and how you applied this knowledge.
  2. Take full responsibility for your goals. – If you really want good things in your life to happen, you have to make them happen yourself.  You can’t sit around and hope that somebody else will help you; you have to make your own future and not think that your destiny is tied to the actions and choices of others.  
  3. Know your worth. – When someone treats you like you’re just one of many options, help them narrow their choice by removing yourself fromthe equation.  Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do.  Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you.  It’s not pride – it’s self-respect.  Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people.  Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life.  Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve.
  4. Choose the right perspective. – Perspective is everything.  When faced with long check-out lines, traffic jams, or waiting an hour past your appointment time, you have two choices:  You can get frustrated and enraged, or you can view it as life’s way of giving you a guilt-free breather from rushing, and spend that time daydreaming, conversing, or watching the clouds.  The first choice will raise your blood pressure.  The second choice will raise your consciousness.
  5. Don’t let your old problems punish your dreams.  – Learn to let go of things you can’t control.  The next time you’re tempted to rant about a situation that you think ended unfairly, remind yourself of this:  You’ll never kill off your anger by beating the story to death.  So close your mouth, unclench your fists, and redirect your thoughts.  When left untended, the anger will slowly wither, and you’ll be left to live in peace as you grow toward a better future.
  6. Choose the things that truly matter. – Some things just don’t matter much – like the kind of car you drive.  How big of a deal is that in the grand scheme of life?  Not a big at all.  But lifting a person’s heart?  Now, that matters.  The whole problem with most people is, they KNOW what matters, but they don’t CHOOSE it.  They get distracted.  They don’t put first things first.  The hardest and smartest way to live is choosing what truly matters, and pursuing it passionately.  
  7. Love YOU. – Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are.  Yes, let someone love you despite all of this; and let that someone be YOU.
  8. Accept your strengths and weaknesses. – Be confident being YOU.  We often waste too much time comparing ourselves to others, and wishing to be something we’re not.  Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when we accept everything we are, and aren’t, that we are able to become who we are capable of being.
  9. Stand up for YOU. – You were born to be real, not to be perfect.  You’re here to be YOU, not to be what someone else wants you to be.  Stand up for yourself, look them in the eye, and say, “Don’t judge me until you know me, don’t underestimate me until you challenge me, and don’t talk about me until you’ve talked to me.”
  10. Learn from others, and move on when you must. – You can’t expect to change people.  Either you accept who they are, or you start living your life without them.  And just because something ends, doesn’t mean it never should have been.  You lived, you learned, you grew, and you moved on.  Some people come into your life as blessings; others come into your life as lessons.
  11. Be honest in your relationships. – Don’t cheat!  If you’re not happy, be honest, and move on if you must.  When you’re truly in love, being faithful isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a joy.
  12. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. – Life as we know it can change in a blink of an eye.  Unlikely friendships can blossom, important careers can be tossed aside and a long lost hope can be rekindled.  It might feel a little uncomfortable at times, but know that life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  So if you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is not an ending, but a new beginning.  
  13. Be who you were born to be. – Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.  When it comes to living as a passionate, inspired human being, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime comfortably in your own.  Follow your heart, and take your brain with you.  When you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but you won’t care about it one bit.
  14. Never give up on YOU. – This is your life; shape it, or someone else will.  Strength shows not only in the ability to hold on, but in the ability to start over when you must.  It is never too late to become what you might have been.  Keep learning, adapting, and growing.  You may not be there yet, but you are closer than you were yesterday.

A bit of distress

I have been crying since last night… Trying to reason myself, trying to understand where this gigantic ball of negative came from and I just cannot seem to shake it off. I can’t turn off the tap either.

And I’m so lonely…

my stomach is in knots, i feel like puking. It’s anxiety but over what?? I wish I knew